i'm freakin' myself out

so i'm sitting in the hallway up at school, i just finished taking a test when the thought occurred to me.  i like school.  i like studying.  i like learning.  i even like taking tests.  i kind of feel like my body has been invaded by extra terrestrials or something.  if you've known me for very long at all, then you will know that jordan does not like school.  jordan does everything he can to avoid school.  jordan does everything he can to talk his friends into avoiding school.  so what the heck has happened?  i think this might be just another little clue to let me know that i'm finally starting to grow the heck up.  glad that only took 33 years...

politics

so i woke up early this morning (sammy was up before 6am) and flipped on the tv.  i happened to catch a live interview with barack obama in which he was asked about the timetable for troop withdrawal from iraq.  obama stated that he is going to visit iraq and talk with the general on the ground before he decides when our will begin coming home.  the interviewer then played a clip from one of obama's primary speeches in which he emphatically stated that he was going to get us out of this war and have our troops home within 16 months from the start of his presidency.  the interviewer asked him if he was worried that this change in stance might alienate his supporters who backed him due to his aggressive stance on troop withdrawal.  obama then claimed that he had been totally consistent on this point.  WHAT?  within one minute i heard obama state two different positions and then claim that he was completely consistent in his stance.  now...yes...it is possible that he talks with the generals on the ground in iraq and they agree that a 16 month withdrawal timetable is feasible, in which case obama can claim that he was consistent.  on the other hand, it is also feasible that a 32 month timetable is agreed upon, in which case obama will have totally backed away from his original claims.  now...if you know me, you know how conflicted i am about our political system right now.  i don't like obama....and i don't really like mccain either.  i feel like my decision is going to be made based on who i feel is the lesser of two evils (not literally evil...well...maybe).  my problem isn't just with obama either, that was just an example of the double-talk that these politicians (democrats and republicans) constantly spew.  i really feel like you can't believe a single thing you hear.  am i the only person in America who wants to elect leaders who speak frankly and honestly?  a leader who is willing to offend?  a leader who doesn't just say what he/she thinks i want to hear?  is it too much to ask for a politician who holds to a set of beliefs that define his/her character? beliefs that they live out unapologetically?  i'd almost rather vote for somebody who i totally disagree with, but fits this description, than vote for a man or a woman who stands for nothing.

watching him learn.

this last month has been a blast.  sammy seems to be learning at least one or two new "things" a day and his little personality is beginning to burst forth.  while he is still a bit of a late bloomer as far as his speech is concerned, he is making some amazing progress.  heather went out and bought him some balloons for his 2nd homecoming celebration, and has walked around the house ever since saying "baa-oon" every time he spots one.  he's also started to point out and identify things.  he'll walk through a store and point out elephants and make his elephant sound, then he'll babble as if he is telling you everything he knows about elephants.  it's amazing to see his little mind growing!  he has also become increasingly affectionate.  he now gives out hugs and kisses with great frequency.  heather dropped me off at work yesterday and we brought sammy in to see his grandpa.  as soon as he saw grandpa, he starting making his kissing sound and then planted one right on the old man.  what a kid.

pedalboard project

so i just ran across this design the other night.  i want it.  this guy took an old vintage suitcase that he pickup up at a thrift store and modified it to be a really freakin' hip pedalboard.  now i'm gonna copy it.  first step.  find a workable suitcase for cheap.

homecoming day

it was two years ago today, heather and I were sitting in the international terminal of LAX in los angeles, anxiously awaiting the arrival of our first son. most people do this at the hospital, but that's not what God had in store for us. He had a much different plan. heather and i had spent over four years begging and pleading with God to grant us a child. at times we felt like our prayers were falling on deaf ears. we knew he was there, and we knew that he heard us, but we couldn't understand why He wouldn't grant us our desire. was it selfish to so desperately want to conceive and care for a child? friend after friend got pregnant and had babies and we just waited...and struggled. it's amazing how God works. God doesn't do ordinary. when He does something, he does it BIG. this was big. on march 12, 2005, God finally let us in on His plan, and it was a good one. heather and i went with our best friends (scottie and angela) to go see steven curtis chapman and chris tomlin in concert. during the concert, chapman spent about 20 minutes sharing about his family's call to adoption. he showed pictures of his three biological children (all teenagers) and then he showed pictures of these three beautiful little girls who they had adopted from china. he sang a song called "when love takes you in" and my heart melted. now, i've always had a hard time hearing God. not because he doesn't speak to me, but because i haven't yet learned how to listen. this night was different. God grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me right in the eyes, smiled and told me that this is what all the waiting was for. this was it. that very night i fell in love with sammy. i didn't know whether my child would be a boy or girl, and the name samuel hadn't yet been decided on, but i was in love nonetheless. and then, just over thirteen months later, there i was sitting in a busy terminal in an unfamiliar city just waiting for my world to be turned upside down. no, not waiting, longing. and as we waited, palms sweating, for our son to arrive and be placed in our arms, i thanked God for our the journey. for the pain. for the struggle. for the hurt. for it all. He was faithful. He heard our prayers, and He must have been grinning as we cried in our despair. He knew what the waiting was for. it was for His glory and for our good. and even in that moment, as peace (mixed with nausea) overwhelmed me, there he was, the most perfect little boy i had ever seen, dressed in blue and yellow with a silly looking visor on his head. it was like being stuck in slow motion watching him being carried down a long corridor and into our arms. he was here. praise God, our son was finally here!

my prayer.

Father God, thank you for my son. thank you for blessing us with these last two years, and we thank your for however many days lie ahead. thank you for adopting me as your son, and for loving me as your own, even as you love your Son, Jesus. i pray that you would continue to mold me into the husband and the father that my wife and son deserve. raise up my son to be a man like noah. a man who will fly in the face of everything that this world stands for, and will stand for everything that You are. help me to raise a son who won't settle for status quo. i pray for your continued blessings on my family. i am a blessed man!

it's about time i figure out what i want to be when i grow up

alright, so this isn't the most timely of posts, but i finally think i've figured out what i want to be when i grow up. it's certainly not the most masculine of professions, but i really believe it is the right thing for me an for my family. i am going to become a nurse. i just finished my first semester back in school and it was interesting to say the least. it started off with me trying to convince myself that i wasn't smart enough to be doing this, and that my family would be forever scarred due to the amount of time that I would be away from them. during my first night of college algebra we were given a basic assessment test to evaluate our understanding of the basics of algebra; concepts that should already be mastered before taking the class. it was twenty questions and i got four of them right. freakin' 4! again, this was my very first night back in college and it was already on it's way to a failure of epic proportions. so after spending about a week moping and trying to figure out how i could get out of doing this and not have everybody i know find out about it, my wonderful wife finally talked some sense into me. the confidence that she showed in me gave me the little kick in the butt that i needed to at least give it my best for one semester.

so as the semester began, i really started to get the swing of things. i figured out how, when and where to study. i figured out that, despite my own weird hangups about not liking to meet new people, study groups are a good thing. well it turns out that school was actually kind of enjoyable. i finished both of my classes (algebra and biology) with very solid A's and i met a guy from Ghana who is pretty much going to be on the same schedule to finish his education. he too is planning to enroll in the nursing program.

a week from monday i will begin a one month summer session in which i will attempt to master statistics. it is an online class that will only require me to drive to school 5 times to take tests. i'm a bit nervous about taking an online class, but i am convinced that i can do it, and that i can do it well.

when all is said and done, i very much hope that i can get a job at children's hospital in dallas in the oncology/hematology department. for some reason or another, God has really given me a heart to serve these families of children who are battling cancer. i'm sure that it will be excruciating at times, but i really feel that God has given me this passion for a reason, and that He will give me the strength i need to deal with the heartache that i will surely face.